Sackcloth and Ashes
by IMightBeWriter
Summary: After the incident at Goldwater Island, a certain Just king is having doubts. But when he and Caspian are searching for Eustace, they end up finding a lot more than they expected, including a discovery that just may put some of his insecurities to rest.
1. Goldwater Island

**Disclaimer**: Sadly, I do not claim, own, or take credit for anything that has to do with Narnia. I'm just borrowing for this story…until I am able to find my own magical wardrobe and go live there myself –grins big–

**Author's Notes**: This idea came to me after reading RavingNarniacAnarane's 'How the Telmarine Became Just' and wishing that a particular part of it took a different turn. So RavingNarniacAnarane, thanks so much for the idea! P.S. If you're familiar with her story, you'll realize what part I'm talking about. With that being said, this is one of my first Chronicles of Narnia stories, I just watched the Votdt movie yesterday, and I haven't read the books in years, so if anything fact wise seems wrong or out of place, _please_ feel free to tell me and I will change it.

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><p><em><strong>Prologue: Goldwater Island<strong>_

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><p>"Eustace!" Caspian called out, large tan hands cupping around his mouth to make his voice echo farther across the uncharted island. Edmund would've flinched at the volume if he hadn't been so determined to find his cousin.<p>

"Eustace!" he cried frantically after receiving no answer, his patience already beginning to wear with himself. His cousin was just a boy for Aslan's sake; a child who didn't even know how to use a sword properly and yet Edmund had allowed him to go off on his own. He really never should've let him out of his sight.

The sun was beating down harshly on the hot sands of the unknown shore, making the thin tunic Edmund was wearing stick to the back of his neck with sweat. And while the humidity was reaching unbearable temperatures, that wasn't the only reason he wanted to find Eustace and leave so quickly. What had happened in the caves was…well, it was immoral and wrong; so wrong that just the thought gave him a sickening feeling in the pit of his stomach. Caspian was his family, his brother, and to act the way he did towards him, so greedy and spiteful, was downright ghastly.

_I wonder what Aslan must think of me now. _Edmund thought, hanging his head as an icy familiar shame flared inside his chest. It was a feeling that was suspiciously familiar to the guilt that had consumed him during their first trip to Narnia, when he'd betrayed his siblings to the White Witch. _Perhaps I still am a traitor, letting my own greed and desire take hold of my actions…_

The words that had been said back in the caves, the greedy and untrusting tone they were spoken in…now that Edmund thought about it, they hadn't sounded at all like his own voice. What sort of monster was he letting himself become?

"Edmund!" the frantic voice of Caspian pulled the young monarch's attention from his musings. His eyes were quickly up and alert, scanning the beige, dusty terrain for his close friend's location. It was only when his gaze locked on to the back of a recognizable red armor vest that he started following.

He was half tempted to ask where in Narnia they were going, but he found that the answer to his question was right in front of him. A few yards ahead, washed up on the shore in the beating sunlight, was the small figure of a child who looked to be unconscious. Instantly the noble king inside of him drowned out the whiny sixteen year old teenager, and before he knew it they were rushing in a full sprint towards the body.

Caspian was the first to reach what now could be identified as a boy. The only reasoning to Edmund's conclusions was the fact that the wet mop of dark hair on his head was far too short to belong to a girl. Besides that, the young king couldn't tell what the boy looked like since the only other thing he could see was his thin, drenched, cloth covered back and a bony pale leg stretched out straight as opposed to the rest of his curled up form.

It was clear that the former Telmarine was able to see the boy's face as he paused as soon as he was kneeling on the other side of him, his dark eyes looking wildly between Edmund and the unconscious child.

"What is it?" Edmund asked with caution, taking another slow step towards the two of them. Caspian's hand immediately shot up, stopping his motion.

"Wait, Edmund!" he cried, and then let out a low breath as he turned his astounded gaze back down to the young boy. "I…I do not think you wish to see this."

Edmund loyally remained where he stood, in spite of a definite increase in his curiosity. He furrowed his eyebrows, slowly licking his lips as he stood on the tips of his toes to get a better look. However the sunlight was too heavy and even with a hand covering his eyes in an attempt to give himself some shade, he still couldn't see the boy's face. Finally, when he realized that he wouldn't be able to get a peek, he decided to ask,

"Why? What is it, Caspian?"

Caspian shook his head, eyes wide with amazement. "This is…this is impossible." He mumbled more to himself than to Edmund, making the younger boy's curiosity skyrocket along with the immense lack of patience that usually accompanied teenage boys.

"What?" Edmund cried out, throwing his hands up in frustration. "Tell me, already! What do you claim is so impossible?"

Caspian looked back up at him as if just remembering his presence. He didn't speak, or even attempt to explain. The only action he took was one that did all of the elaborating for him. Reaching out with a slight shake in his hand, never taking his wary gaze off of Edmund, he gently shoved the unconscious boy's body to the side so that he was resting on his back.

Edmund's breath caught in his throat and he nearly started choking as his brown eyes finally met the child's face. He was…him? No…no, he wasn't _him._ He was a younger version of him. But how could he be him, younger or not, if _he_ was him?

"How…? T-this…is not possible." Edmund muttered to himself. This didn't make any sense at all. He must have been going crazy. Yes, that was it exactly! Being out in the scorching heat for so long had messed with his head and now he was seeing things. But that meant that Caspian was seeing things too… "W-what do we do with him?" he asked shakily, biting down on his bottom lip as he finally looked back at Caspian.

"Well," the King started thoughtfully though it seemed that he was also at a loss. "We can't leave him here to die…so I supposed we should take him back to the ship. Maybe get him looked over for any serious injuries." He paused for a moment, subconsciously licking his lips just like Edmund had done as his eyes squinted in the sunlight. "And then, once he is awake, we can try to figure out what is going on."

"What if it's a trap?" Edmund asked suddenly, his hand automatically gripping the handle of his sword even if they both knew that it was mostly for security instead of defense. After all, it's not everyday that you find a younger _you_ washed up on an unknown island.

But Caspian shook his head as his intense gaze scanned over the young child's fragile looking body. "If it was, I'm sure that it would've already happened by now." He then grabbed the boy's thin wrist in a gentle but firm grip. "And besides, his pulse is weakening. Edmund, I can assure you that if we do not get him back on the boat, he _will_ die."

The meaning of those words hit Edmund like a ton of bricks. Was he really prepared to let a child so small and vulnerable die, no matter how the said child appeared? Then again, that meant that there would be another _him_ running around on the ship and that was certainly a most unsettling thought. But alas, he wasn't called the Just king for nothing, and in a matter of seconds the answer was pouring out of his mouth before he could really think about the consequences it would bring.

"Can you carry him?" As soon as he'd said that, a monstrous roar sounded from above them and the next thing Edmund knew, they were getting chased by a dragon. The day could not get worse...or at least, that's what he assumed.

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><p><strong>Author's Note: <strong>That's wasn't too bad right? A short but still just as good of a start to kick off a story. Let me know what you think, and if I should continue this is or not. I'll admit that I'm still hazy on where I want this to go, so if you have any ideas or thoughts or constructive critisism, I'm all ears! :)


	2. I Met Myself Today

**Author's Note: **I am so so so very sorry for such the long wait! I'm finally back to my mother's house, with internet and Microsoft Word, so I finished up the first official chapter of Sackcloth and Ashes as soon as I could. I hope that you're all still interested in it after the long intermission. Also, I'm not entirely sure how to age Edmund and Lucy, so I went by how they appeared to me in the DT movie, and this is still unbeta'd, so once again, feel free to correct me for any mistakes I've made. If anyone is interested in becoming a beta for this story, just send me a message stating so! Thank you! :D

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><p><strong>Chapter I: I Met Myself Today<strong>

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><p>"Maybe this is all a dream." Edmund muttered, rubbing his temples.<p>

His head felt like it would explode at any given minute with all of the commotion going on around him. Between finding Eustace turned into a dragon, which he knew was certainly not going to be fun to explain to Aunt Alberta, and then discovering that there was another him running around. Well, not really running around, he reminded himself. The young boy that they'd found had been unconscious and very close to death, no doubt due to exhaustion and the overwhelming heat. Nevertheless, he existed, and that alone was enough for Edmund to put the deep magic of the White Witch at fault, which caused him to receive a massive headache from trying to fathom just who would cast such a spell in the first place.

"What am I going to tell Lucy?" he asked to no one in particular, scratching at his forehead as if the action would reward him with the right answer.

"You're going to tell Lucy the truth." A feminine voice sounded from beside him.

He jumped, nearly falling out of his seat as he once again reached for the handle of his sword, only to find out that it was, in fact, his sister Lucy.

"Don't do that!" He scolded lightly, placing a hand to his rapidly beating heart as he returned his sword to its sheath and tried to regain the air that had left him.

She offered him a small sheepish smile before her face hardened and she sat down beside him, reminding Edmund every bit of the young warrior of a queen she was those many years ago. "What's going on, Edmund? You look like you've seen a ghost." Her voice held a suspicious tone to it, as if she knew that whatever the answer was, it wouldn't be pretty.

"Not exactly…" he mumbled to himself, leaning foreword so that his elbows were digging further into his thighs. The slight increase of pressure was just enough to encourage him to continue. He fumbled with his words, because honestly, who would be able to say something such as that so casually and not fear of being deemed clinically insane? "It's a bit hard to explain...but while Caspian and I were out on the island, w-we found someone, or some_thing_ that….looked…well, it looked a lot l-like _me_, Lu…when I was a child."

However, this was Lucy he was talking to. He seemed to overlook the fact that she was the same girl who had found Narnia in the first place, or a forest in a wardrobe to be more specific. If anyone knew how it felt for no one to believe in them, it was Lucy.

She responded, after pondering his answer for a mere second. "Can I see him?"

What was meant to be made a simple question resulted in Edmund's head whipping around so fast that a soft pop sounded, his neck cracking with the sudden momentum. He cringed only slightly at the feeling, looking at her, his expression boring every bit of the incredulity he felt. "W-what? Why?"

Lucy looked away, smiling softly as her shoulders lifted into a shrug. "I don't know. I just figured that he might be in need of a friend. And I _am_ the one with the healing cordial, after all."

"Oh…" Edmund trailed off. He realized something about that last sentence. Narrowing his eyes, he gave his sister a skeptical stare. "Hang on, how did you know that he would need your healing cordial?"

Lucy's smile grew guilty as she answered. "Caspian already explained everything to me. That's what I came to tell you, Ed. He said that it shouldn't be long now before…err…_Eddy_, wakes up."

The sudden stiffness of Edmund's shoulders didn't go unnoticed, and the immediate flicker of apprehension in his eyes wasn't quick enough so that Lucy didn't catch a glimpse of it before his expression turned blank.

"Oh, Ed. You don't have to see him if you don't want to." The youngest Pevensie, or was it now the _younger_ Pevensie, sympathized as she placed a soft hand on one of his still-tightening shoulders. "We completely understand."

"N-no. I need to see him, Lu." Edmund finally choked out after a short moment of silence, offering the thirteen year old a grateful smile as he stacked his hand gently upon hers.

Thirteen— was that really how young she was? He had to remind himself quite a lot that she wasn't a twenty three year old ruler anymore, which proved to be more difficult when she acted as maturely as she was now. But alas, now she was just Lucy; his vulnerable prepubescent little sister that he needed to protect. Of course, Edmund would never tell her that. Lucy may have been tiny, but she could certainly pack a punch when she wished to do so.

"Edmund, Lucy," Caspian started as he entered the upper deck, cutting off the small moment between the two siblings. "I do not wish to interrupt…but he has awakened."

Lucy, noting the way her brother's back straightened, offered Edmund the most encouraging smile she could bring herself to muster before standing up and giving his shoulder one last squeeze. She then eagerly passed by Caspian and retreated down to the lower deck.

The ex-Telmarine turned a concerned gaze towards Edmund after huffing a laugh at the young girl's enthusiasm.

"Are you alright, Ed?" he asked, unsure how to approach the younger teenager. Edmund didn't necessarily blame him. After what had happened at that island, how he'd acted with the enchanted pool, he was distrustful of himself as well.

"I'm fine." Edmund replied, hastily standing up as the guilt began to eat away at him again. "I take it he is in the guest cabin then?" His voice faltered only somewhat but whether or not Caspian took notice of it, he couldn't say.

The king eyed him warily for a second, his gaze as smoldering as that of an elder brother, cautious and worried, as if he were awaiting the younger monarch to say what was on his mind whilst also fearing of what he would hear.

It was only when Edmund shifted his own eyes shamefully to the ground that Caspian slowly forced his head into a curt nod. "Yes. Come, I'll show you."

Without another word, he turned and started making his way down to where Lucy had just ventured, giving Edmund no choice but to trail behind him.

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><p><em>Perhaps I shouldn't have agreed to this… <em>Edmund thought as they reached the spare cabin used for additional office quarters, or the occasional guest or two that the ship so rarely chose to contain. He stopped just to the outer region of the doorway, keeping out of sight, out of mind. He wasn't entirely sure if he was ready for– whatever this was exactly. His stomach was clenched with nerves and had been doing back flips since he and Lucy had first boarded. He was positive that he would vomit at any moment.

"Is everything alright?" Caspian asked softly as he noticed the prominent flush of Edmund's cheeks. Edmund felt his stomach calm slightly at the genuine concern laced in the other boy's voice, although it didn't make a very considerable difference as his frayed nerves were clenching his abdomen muscles in a vice-like grip.

"Y-yes." he cleared his throat. "Yes, it's nothing to fret over."

The dark smoldering stare that met his response made his stomach drop into the depths of his kneecaps. It was almost enough for him to give it up and admit that everything was most certainly _not_ okay in his opinion, if only for the sake of the nausea to wear off.

Luckily, their little conversation was cut short before Edmund could spill anything he didn't want to, or for that matter, spill anything he wasn't ready to spill.

"It's alright, Eddy." Lucy's comforting tone of voice echoed into the small hallway they were standing in. Unlike her brother, she'd walked right into the room without a care in the world.

Edmund was about to reply to her—say that he _knew_ everything was alright and that at sixteen years old, he didn't need to be coddled by neither her nor Caspian—when a much different voice spoke up. It was only then that Edmund realized his sister had been talking to the _other_ Eddy.

"W-who are you?" It was a small childlike voice, but the vast amount of fear contained inside it was greater than Edmund had ever heard. "How d-do you know my name?"

"My name is Lucy. I'm…a friend, of Peter's." Lucy was quick to answer. If it had been any other time, Edmund would've teased her about the significant short supply of lies that queens were permitted to have. However, right now, he was just glad that she'd come up with some type of explanation to ease the _thing's_ fear. The calmer it was, the easier it would be to get information out of its mouth.

"P-Peter? W-where is he?" It was clear that the thing…or the boy—whatever it was—didn't really believe her, the suspicion in his answer was evident and it made Edmund feel a little bit better knowing that at least he wasn't the only one feeling uneasy about the entire situation.

Lucy on the other hand seemed taken aback, as she was reduced to a fit of stuttering. "Um…Peter…he's, uh…"

"Peter had to continued with his education." Caspian cut in smoothly as he entered the room, sending a meaningful look to Edmund that read that he had no other option. He _needed_ to follow him inside. That was an order.

Edmund cursed that particular facial expression into oblivion. It was one that Peter had once wore whenever he wanted Edmund to know that if he didn't stop whatever it was that he was doing at the time, there was sure to be hell to pay. And for some odd reason, Edmund had no doubt in his mind that Caspian was thinking along the same lines as Peter.

With this in mind, Edmund finally sucked in a deep breath and took the remaining few steps into the threshold of the cabin. His body became rigid as he spared a brief glance at the bed and instead was met with the identical brown orbs of his eight-year-old self.

He didn't know how it was possible for him to be able to identify it, but Edmund could just _feel_ that the child in the bed was eight years of age. It was a natural sort of instinct, common knowledge obtained by a simple jolt of the stomach, taken from the mysterious not yet explored crevices of his mind.

The young boy was sitting slouched, propped up by the few pillows on the thin cot of a mattress. His dark hair had dried by now, laying flat against the pale flush skin of his forehead. He appeared to be clutching his thin wrist that was secured tightly into his chest, a sure sign that it was more than likely broken.

However, none of that registered in Edmund's mind as much as the child's intense stare did. Like most children, all of his emotions poured from his eyes, like portholes to his soul. In them, Edmund saw every emotion that the boy was feeling down to his very core—confusion, surprise, exhaustion, and most of all, sheer terror.

Edmund cringed inside at the small spasm of guilt that had come from scaring the boy so greatly, but in the same token, Edmund himself was feeling that exact amount of fright. He may have experienced quite a lot of interesting predicaments during his reign in Narnia, but none of them even came close in comparison to what was currently happening to him at the moment.

"W-who…" the boy began, his brown eyes wide with alarm. Edmund held his breath in anticipation of what the child was likely to stutter out. "What a-are you?"

And there it was. The 'what' took the place of the 'who' and Edmund soon became the unknown creature in question. It was an inquiry he'd often found himself asking from time to time, even if he was never able to give a proper answer.

"This is Ed…win!" Lucy brightened as she conjured up another suitable lie.

Edmund was half-tempted to explain to her that even though the child was him, the child was still a child, thus making the little boy as naïve and gullible as any other young child was. However, Lucy was staring at him, the older him to be exact, her blue eyes round and pleading, and he couldn't bring himself to say that it wasn't because she had this great deceitful ability that she was able to fib so well to the young boy.

Instead, Edmund found himself speaking in defense of her response.

"Err, hello…Eddy." It was strange choking out the nickname he'd come to despise after his initial youth had passed him. "I'm Edwin, Lucy's brother."

"Edwin is a weird name." The little boy stated rather bluntly, his nose scrunching up in distaste. Edmund would've laughed if he had the nerve to, if he wasn't quick to come to the defense of his new-fangled identity, unwanted as it might have been.

"Well, I expect that _Eddy_ isn't exactly too far from peculiar either." Edmund quipped back.

His thin eyebrows raised expectantly as he waited for the boy to respond. Only, the reply that he received was definitely of the less than expectant variety.

"I want Peter!" The child exclaimed in frustration, brown eyes turning into liquid chocolate as angry tears began to accumulate, though he didn't seem to be paying them any attention. "Where is my brother? What have you done with him?"

Edmund's own jaw tightened with emotion, the sudden pang in his heart forcing him to realize that he couldn't do this after all. He couldn't stand there, watching the eight-year-old version of himself continue to question Peter's whereabouts. It was another inquiry that the sixteen-year-old Edmund asked himself everyday, as he also was so desperately longing for the comfort of his older brother.

If Peter were there, he'd know exactly what to do. He'd offer his advice, the reassuring weight of a hand that Edmund craved to feel upon his shoulder, on his back as it guided him through any problems or pitfalls that stood in his way. Because at the moment, without Peter, Edmund's entire body felt cold, empty, and bare. His head was spinning in a whirl, his heart was clutching tightly, and he couldn't make heads or tails of anything. Which way was up, and which way was down? What was the right thing to do? What was the wrong? Edmund didn't have a clue.

"I-I can't…I mean…I'm sorry." He finally managed to spit out a few of the many words rushing inside of his head, forming some type of explanation as to why he was currently turning swiftly towards the door and rushing out of the cabin.

It wasn't long before Lucy's soothing voice faded into nothing, and Edmund was alone and able to catch his breath again.

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><p><strong>Author's Note: <strong>Reviews equal love and another update! :)


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